My Struggle
=To Reform Personalities and Enhance Growth towards Spiritual Sovereignty=
“. . . Behold, I am weary of my wisdom, like a bee that has gathered too much honey; I need hands outstretched to take it; I should like to give it away and distribute it, until the wise among men have again become happy in their folly and the poor happy in their wealth. . . .”
(Friedrich Nietzsche, 1844-1900; “Incipit Tragoedia” in “The Gay Science” quoted in the "Introduction" to “Thus Spoke Zarathustra” as translated by R. J. Hollingdale 1969)
Prediction about my mission before I was born
I am the last born of my mother. I was once separated from her for over twenty-five years. I lived overseas for seventeen of the twenty-five years. We had long sessions of discussions and interviews when I was about the age of forty. I had been trained as an anthropologist at University of Alberta, Edmonton, Canada. Hence, I applied my training to find out many things, especially the world of her youth and my youth. The difference between the period of her youth and when I conducted the informal sessions was over half a century (between the early 20th century and the last quarter).
She remembered one dream-state experience (which some people call vision) in her teenage years. She said she saw in a vision, of being in a thick forest. She saw a path in the forest. Some nine youths walked past her along the path. They did not see her. Some of them stumbled and fell; the last on the file was a boy who bore twigs in his left hand. She said that it then dawned on her as we communed, that I was the last boy on the file. I was the one who bore the twigs in my hand. She remembered what her grandmother’s interpretation of the vision to mean. Her grandmother told her that the youths were the children that she was going to bear when she grew up. Furthermore, those who stumbled and fell were going to die before her, while the last one would be osu' omwan or Orsu-ormwan (by pronunciation). We will try to explicate this concept next.
We speak Benin Language in Nigeria. We have related concepts as minder, guardian, protector, teacher, etc. wound up in the concept of osu-omwan. She did not use the word for raising (as in raising children), or shepherding (as in shepherding sheep and cattle), or husbanding animals (iriaemwinri). I was not to be the patriarch for example of a new Race. Was I to become a prophet, such that I would be mediating between God and the folk? The issue that had intrigued me is this: what is the relationship between my mother’s prediction or vision on one hand, and the plan that I had to edit on my own, before Osanobua? Where does it fit in the initiation ritual that I went through before the age of ten? I was over forty years already before I turned to my mother for the information that I intuitively felt was missing from my life. The resolution of the apparent enigma is the simple fact that I am (like everyone else) the mover of my fate or destiny. I am now in control and want everyone to take over control of own IntSanct and all problems will resolve themselves. The Prophecy is the best candidate for the overriding determinant if we were to accept the logic of arranging events in a lineal path. The unfolding universe does not follow one narrow path, but is more of an explosion.
One reoccurring experience that I had from time to time (e.g. in about 1954 [Benin City, Nigeria], 1962 [Sapele, Nigeria], 1967 [W. Berlin], 1974 [Edmonton], 1983-1989-1990-1995-2005 [Benin City, Nigeria]) was that I would express what I was going to be, deep down within me, feeling inside me that I was decreeing what I would become. I realize now in retrospect that the one making those decrees, was a “Me” that though different from “I”, was yet “me”, both bound up with the one that moved about, ate, slept, and mated. “I was both myself and something other than myself at the same time”. This followed my beholding AFANGIAKO some time earlier. (I decided as I write now, to divulge my experience with AFANGIAKO . AFANGIAKO is a cosmic sign, which is the manifestation of the presence of Osanobua. I have omitted this information earlier in my writings, because it was not yet time.)
The process of, "I expressing what I was going to be deep down within me, feeling inside me that I was decreeing what I would become" is an act of what I was going to know later as "x=something extraordinary" in the Interior Sanctuary.
Many opportunities have come my way at different times in different continents, nations, institutions, and organizations. I now realize that these were all in the process of manifesting what I had willed; they did not come to full fruition, because I lacked the training to see them through. Contrary to co-operating with the law, I deliberately sabotaged my success in the projects. My attitude is a clear fulfilment of the curse on me, and others like me by the priesthood.
They could not have succeeded but for my surrender; I wished (albeit inadvertently) to suffer in order to discover the “magical powers” within me. No one taught me this, and I really could not explain the rational at first, though I had a mystical experience in 1954. (Re AFANGIAKO)